you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
