Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
