so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
