So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
