McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
