Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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