If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
