they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
