dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
