Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize