that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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