Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's even glitter on my cock...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
