I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least life still wants to fuck me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
