I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize