2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
