so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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