i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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