I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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