You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
