I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
