Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
