Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
