i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
