i just had sex bonerless
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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