i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
