He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
