someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
