I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
