Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
