yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
