yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
