Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
