My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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