I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
