can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
