I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
