I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
