So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
