Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize