i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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