fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
