its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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