She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
