I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
