she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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