Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
