At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
