The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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