Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
