I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
