quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
