Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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