SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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