i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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