My first STD was from a foam party
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
