i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
