Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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