Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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