this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
