alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
