Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
