So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
