not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
