I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
