If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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