Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize