My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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