I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
