No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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