just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
