If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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