After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
