someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize