If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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