which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
