I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize