I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
