Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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