I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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