Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
