I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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