Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
