I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
