getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
