it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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