The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
