mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
