Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
