So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize