yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
