So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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