Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
