I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
