I can tuck mytits in my pants
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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