ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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