I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
